What happens when you try to touch a star….and you find that you are able to keep it?

Since I was twelve I’ve wanted to work in New York. I remember going up there for a family vacation, taking a tour of NBC studios, and being picked out of a crowd to forecast the weather.

“Tell us the weather little guy.”
“Um…I’m not sure what to do but can I show you where I live?”
“Yea sure! Show us where you live.”
“Our house is right here.”

I remember every feeling that day, the spray paint on the corner, the smell of central park when the sun would go down...I’ve been living and dying in that moment since it happened.
About two years ago I said goodbye to this dream because I truly thought that I had met the love of my life. I had that same feeling every day she kissed me or even simply smiled at me. I thought we could talk about anything, and life with her was worth the sight of thousands of shimmering sea shells on a deserted beach. I was so confident that we were going to make it big, no matter what happened, it would have been us. That memory has since faded and I haven’t thought about her for a month.
I got a phone call yesterday with news that will change my life. I have a non-paid internship with a very popular television corporation, a job at my cousin’s bar in New York for 800 dollars a week, and a studio apartment in Queens for 800 dollars a month.
I always had faith and the utmost confidence that I was going to make it no matter where I was or who I was with. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, even if it isn’t the reason I had hoped.
I can’t stop smiling even though I know for a fact that I will never see her again...

I went to a concert in the Baltimore area to see Howie Day. The experience was different from the music I was exposed to in the past but on a whim I decided to go with my roomate and my CA. I was watching this guy pour his heart out over the microphone and this song gave me goose bumps as he was singing and surrounded by green light.

- She Says by Howie Day -
Sweet is the sight
Of her room
Window opened by candlelight
Cold winter on the shore
Chills the dress she wore
It's on the floor
Still it feels so warm tonight

And that's why I'm wondering why
You had to tell me
What's going on in your head
What's wrong
Come around to another time when you
Won't have to run

And when she says she wants somebody else
I hope you know that's she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You'll never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you

Swing her into flight
Over her hills at twilight
I guess that's right now
While we're here
Tell me why it's so funny
That you're so funny
When you're mad
You're always so mad

[Chorus]

Life is too beautiful to say no all the time...Close your eyes if you have to, but be here now...

I was working today when an old friend came in who left our job for
another one. I asked what he was up to and he was just thrilled to have
this new job, about how he put up with so much stuff with Blockbuster
and how everything is so much easier.


Zac works for the nearby hospitals starting at around ten bux an hour so I asked if he could put in a good word for me that it would seem like a viable option now that gas prices are rising. Everything has been crazy lately, just trying to sort everything out has been an experience in it's own. I think I'll take the job if I can either way I think I'm looking at maybe living in long island after college.


Well I'm going to head out...goin to a party with my co-workers. Oh on the plus side I started a new diet cause that no carb stuff was killin me...This one says I gotta eat 6 times a day.


Here's seein ya in the funny papers...

I go home once every three weeks to work at Blockbuster in Virginia when I go to school two hours away in Maryland. I keep the job because it’s not that hard and would look good on my resume as a Mass Communication major.

To be honest I’ve been somewhat sick of driving lately. The road stretches for miles and you could be listening to a song and spacing out not realizing you’ve traveled as far as you had. Where did all that lost time go? It’s almost as if we’re time travelers when we space out like the way things fade to a gradual blur reading 32 pages and taking a break to realize that you have no idea what would be asked on a quiz.

We all space out for different reasons, something traumatic happens or we simply don’t get enough sleep…but I’d like to space out as THE PUNISHER, BADASS EXTROADINAIRE. Walk in to some crazy bar that’s getting out of hand in my trench coat hiding my huge weapons and sitting cool knowing that no one will touch my awesome car that I parked out front.

“THERE HE IS, GET HIM!” oh yea, it’s show time now. I block a punch from the first thug raising my left arm and using my right fist to hit him in his abdomen. Its human shield time…three shots, three kills and not one scratch.

“INDIAN SPRINGS: BIG POOL” I’m halfway there, oh no who turned up that Bon Jovi song LIVIN ON A PRAYER!!! Spacing out can be fun sometimes, and other times it can be pretty scary like two weeks ago when I was driving from Columbia Maryland. After hearing some bad news, I had somewhat of a car accident. I was leaving a friend’s neighborhood and got a flat so I pulled into a development and changed the tire putting the doughnut on. When going back out on 70 west towards Towson I was boxed in by massive rigs. I sped up to get out of their way being conscious that I can’t push it over 35 or 40 for too long.

The doughnut began to literally crumble apart and it felt like the opening to “Top Gun” taking off from the air craft carrier. I kept calm throughout the entire situation and managed to pull over to call a tow truck.

I realized that the closest place to get fixed up without being towed a great distance was Mt. Airy…I remembered almost every part of that town like playing in the woods acting really cool and scraping my knee when it was raining. I remember a castle being near by but the one near my house was ten times cooler.

I bought a magazine to read while my car was being fixed because I didn’t want to look at the town anymore. It’s strange the way an event can cause us to look at something and trigger a memory we don’t want to evoke thereby wanting to avoid the entire experience altogether.

Anyways I’m doing all the things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m currently planning a trip with some friends to go to falling water in PA experiencing the masterpiece of Frank Lloyd Wright. Another cool activity is a white water rafting trip planned by the staff of the Apartment structure I’m living in and going to some sports games with my roommates sometime in the near future. But for a couple of weeks, I’m just going to stay at school working on the documentary and staying off the roads.

“This is Maverick requesting a flyby”
“Negative Maverick the flight pattern is full”
…………..Just smile, and do it anyways, whatever it is.